It has been a while not posting anything here.
My life was so fed up with various of things for the last year. Not much time left for me to record and look back what I did. Also I have been tried avoid my deeper feelings since the death of my sister. She was struggling with lung cancer, and passed away last year. It cased a deep shadow in my mind because I was right at her side when she was gone, holding her hands. Watching life vanishing away as the numbers of pulse freq. and blood pressure.
It was a real shock for me, even though that we knew this is going to happen. The time I spent with my sister in the last four month I was with her, was like more than the total conversation we had in the last twenty years. To be honest, we were not that close when I was a child since she is 7 years older than me. We have different interests and perspective of life. I was in biological science and she was mostly in liberal arts sector. So there has been not much cross talks between us.
My sister knew she got lung cancer quite late, after she had a stoke nearly two years ago. But it was already in the final stage and the cancer cells had spread out to several organs, and did damages in her heads and bones. The gene therapy by the drug ‘Iressa’ succeeded for a short time, but it cannot stop further development of the cancer cells. And we finally lost her, forever.
It’s very difficult for me to put this, but it actually relieved some tension in my family with my sister’s death. She has always been the odd balls of my family, and she could not get along wih my father, I think since high school. She moved back to my parents’ house after the death of her husband. Years of switching jobs made my sister not having a stable income. Living with my parents might not be ideal, but was mostly the best solution at that time.
Anyway, it was tough for me to go through the last few months with my sister. So I have a mixed feeling for lung cancer. It reminds me of my sister.
Ironically, it is my turn now. Haunted or blessed, I am going to live with my lung cancer cells for the rest of my life.